I feel like I’m swimming upstream.
It’s a feeling that difficult to shake. That feeling of moving in a direction and getting no closer to the finish line. Running in place. Swimming upstream. Swimming against the tide.
In high school, I ran track and cross country. Long distance running. Each day we’d run 6 miles for practice. Then do sprints. Now, I’ve got short legs. I was chubby in high school. I didn’t run quickly. But run I did. I was never the fastest on the team, but once I got my legs in motion, I could run for a long time.
One of the only things that held me back were underdeveloped bronchi. In colder weather, it would be difficult if not painful to breathe. I was never asthmatic and I couldn’t imagine what that’s like, but I had problems.
Suffice to say, I know what a long painful struggle something can be.
That’s what I’m feeling now. I’ve run the race a few times and I never got any where. Now, here I am again. At the starting line. Getting ready to run the race once more. I keep asking myself, am I prepared this time?
It’s why I’m spending far more time getting prepared. I don’t think I was ever fully prepared last time. I didn’t put my best work out. Good stories, yes, but not well edited. So I needed to revisit what I’d done. Check it all again. See where I failed and where I succeeded. Make certain that the ground I’ve covered before hasn’t changed since the last time I was there.
Guess what. Some of it has changed. Things are different. There are so many other people out there running the same race. Trying to do the same thing. I’m just another fish in the stream trying to get ahead and there’s an entire school ahead of me.
I’m not going to let that be a deterrent. Quite that opposite. I’m using that as inspiration to push ahead harder than I ever did before. This time around, I’m not just pushing books out and hoping for the best. I’ve got a plan. For me, it’ll be slow and steady. For others, it’s bold and aggressive. However you view it, it’s a plan and I’m ready to carry it out.
There will be no 5 a Day with Jay until next week, but there will be blog posts.
Until Next Time!
Audio Only: https://anchor.fm/jr-murdock/episodes/5-a-Day-With-Jay—0118-eus4d4
Posted on April 13, 2021, in Blog Post and tagged imposter syndrome, preparing, scheduling, struggle, writer, writing. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.
Oh yeah, that feeling of doing something that requires great effort, yet you feel like you’re in the same place. It’s a pretty scary feeling, so I’ve begun looking at the process instead of the results and hopefully that helps. Wishing all the best for you too!
You got this Bro!