I decided to work out for Thirty minutes on the elliptical today. Here’s how it went.

00:00-02:00 – This isn’t so bad. I can do this for thirty minutes.
02:00-05:00 – Breathing a bit heavier than normal, but I can do this.
05:12 – My head itches. I think I have dandruff.
05:37 – My head REALLY itches. I think I have head lice!
06:17 – What’s this liquid in my hair? Is that sweat?
07:38 – Whoops, my knee skipped a beat there.
08:00-10:00 – If I blink enough I think I can keep the sweat out of my eyes.
10:15 – I don’t recall my shirt having a dark stain on it?
10:38 – Wait a minute, am I sweating there too?
11:45 – Alright, I’m a third of the way done. I know I can do this!
13:02 – Thirty minutes? What was I thinking?
14:30 – Half-way done. Yes, Half-way done. I’m pretty sure I can do this.
15:00 – Oh, now I’m half-way done.
15:15 – Time moves slower when I work out, have I discovered time travel?
16:25 – I’m not done yet? I must be moving close the speed of light. This is taking forever!
16:49 – I need to stop looking at the time. I swear it’s lying to me!
17:15 – Why does my back itch?
17:25 OW! Why’d I let go of the handle to scratch my back? That’ll leave a mark
18:22 – I’m a third of the way done. I’m glad I don’t do math at my work.
19:00 – I really should stop looking at the time.
19:11 – Whoops, knee slipped again.
20:21 – OW OW OW! Let the back itch! Let the back itch!
20:29 – Is it warm in here?
20:44 – I don’t remember that puddle on the floor.
21:23 – Toss glasses into chair. Sweat won’t let them stay on my face.
22:55 – My shirt seems to be an entirely darker shade now. That’s interesting.
23:16 – Well, my sleeves aren’t doing much to keep the sweat out of my eyes anymore.
24:24 – Shouldn’t I be done by now?
25:01 – I think I’m going to die when this is over. I should just stop now.
25:02 – NO! You’re only five minutes away from being done. That’s not that long!
25:03 – But I’m tired!
25:04 – No pain, no gain!
25:05 – What’s that supposed to mean anyway?
25:06 – Quit you’re whining and keep going!
25:07 – No, really. I swear time had all but stopped.
25:08 – Yeah, time stopped.
25:16 – Whoops. I should pay attention.
26:04 – OW! Why does my entire body itch?
27:00 – JANE! Stop this crazy thing!
28:00 – Wait, did time start back up again?
28:13 – I can’t feel my legs
29:00 – Only one minute left! I should do a sprint to finish up
29:01 – Stop laughing! It hurts when I laugh!
29:02 – Go Go Go!
29:03 – Did time stop again?
29:15 – Is this over? I mean really. I didn’t realize thirty minutes was so long.
29:30 – Quit looking at the time. Close your eyes.
29:31 – Whoops. Almost lost my balance.
29:33 – Yup, my legs are still there. Can’t feel them, but they’re there.
29:34 – THUD! Quit looking down!
29:35 – At least I can’t feel the itching in my scalp anymore.
29:36 – Really? This is still going? This is like a bad movie
29:40 – I got this. Twenty seconds. I got this!
29:45 – Will anyone know if I stop now? Anyone?
29:46 – So close! So close!
29:27 – Time is going backwards? WTF?
29:48 – Oh, I read that wrong. I should have left my glasses on.
29:50 – Maybe if I just kept working out, time would completely stop!
29:59 – I think one of my arms fell off.
30:00 – WHACK! OW!
30:00 – BEEP BEEP! What? I’m done?
30:05 – I can make it to the chair. I know I can. I know I can.
30:10 – I just need to sit for a few minutes and catch my breath.
30:15 – What’s that poking me in the… DOH! Glasses.

I think I’ll do that again tomorrow. For those keeping score: 30 Minutes, 3.18 miles.

Workout Playlist:
Slipknot – Before I Forget
Joan Jett – Bad Reputation
Slayer – Chemical Warfare
Megadeth – Hangar 18
Anthrax w/Public Enemy – Bring the Noise
Metal Church – Merciless Onslaught
Metallica – Overkill
Joe Satriani – Satch Boogie.