My Favorite Daughter is trying to kill me.
I love my favorite daughter. She’s an awesome kid. She really is. But I think she has it out for me! I don’t know where he obsession with killing me has come from, but I’m convinced she wants to do me in.
Let’s start from the beginning.
At the end of last Volleyball club season, she knew she was going to go to Pepperdine University for a week-long, volleyball camp. She was very excited. She started reading about diet and exercise as laid out on their website and decided this was a great thing. She started doing her own core workout, started running and dragged me along. She started making green smoothies, eating spinach (I’d call her Popeye, but she wouldn’t get the reference and hit me). She decided this was so great, that she needed someone to participate with her.
She’d make green smoothies each morning. Most of these were a miss. A miss in a major way. I’d thank her for my grass smoothie and she’d hit me and try to convince me it wasn’t ‘that bad’. Then she started using coconut milk in her smoothies! coconut! If God had intended man to drink coconut milk he wouldn’t have made it so difficult to get! So I’d have a grass and coconut smoothie. Holy UGH! I’d rather have a Hostess Cherry Pie (see the previous post if you don’t get this reference)
Fortunately her smoothie making skills have gotten better and with our brand new bullet (THANK YOU MILLICAN!) she can make one at a time so an entire blender isn’t filled with a mess I ain’t gonna drink.
Her latest attempts to kill me have gone too far! She wants me to jog! Run! Sprint! I mean, I’m OLD! My body ain’t cut out for jogging, running, or sprinting. Seriously? The past two outings we’ve done roughly 3 miles in 30 minutes (give or take depending on how many times I need to stop and throw up, fake a heart attack so she’ll slow down, or limp like I’ve broken my leg). She’s relentless! “Come on Papi, this is slow!” Sure, she’s young and in the best shape of her life. My best shape is round (Thank you Hostess!) My weight wasn’t made for running in circles! It was made for sitting in front of a computer writing code, writing books, making book covers. Not running!
She tells me it’ll get better if I keep at it, but I think she’s trying to kill me!
Until Next Time (Maybe!)